


Christmas in No Man's Land

by Gottaread2



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: At least not compared to what I normally write, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Christmas, Christmas Dinner, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Music, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Gotham Secret Santa 2019, Hot Chocolate, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Not Shippy, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21952675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gottaread2/pseuds/Gottaread2
Summary: Written as part of the Gotham Secret Santa 2019.Realizing it's almost Christmas, Oswald decides to plan Christmas dinner and invite Ed. This story takes place during episode 5x08 and is canon compliant with the events of that episode. I totally got the idea for this story because Oswald called Edward's security system a "jingle bell contraption." He clearly had Christmas on the brain XD
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot & Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 18
Kudos: 43





	Christmas in No Man's Land

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Muckitymuckart](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Muckitymuckart).



> Merry Christmas Muckitymuckart!!!
> 
> I don't think we have really interacted before, but it's so cool to find someone else who loves Gotham! I checked out your posts on Tumblr and you seemed like an Oswald fan like me XD I hope you like the story, but if it's not your cup of tea please don't feel any pressure. I had a lot of fun writing this for you and hope you feel happy knowing that :D

Things were looking up. Oswald had to believe that. It was the only thing keeping him going most days. It seemed to have been that way for a long time, but Oswald was doing his best not to be bitter about it. Things were different now. He had a friend. Oswald could almost convince himself that was true. That he and Ed were friends again. 

If Edward seemed a little distant, Oswald could easily dismiss it as nothing more than an intense focus on their shared goal: to escape Gotham. It was true that the submarine took most of Edward’s attention and perhaps his scowls and snide comments were due more to frustrations with the situation than with Oswald himself. It was possible and so he chose to believe it. Besides, Oswald hardly had the time to worry over such matters anyway. Not when the city around them had transformed into a literal war zone and the only way to survive might depend on their escape.

Oswald brushed aside his concerns to focus on the task at hand. Of course he had men hired to scour the city and bring him anything that might be useful for building the submarine, but occasionally he would go out himself. Despite what Edward thought of him, Oswald was at least trying to make himself useful. It was hardly his fault that he knew next to nothing about engineering or submarine design. His friend couldn't _really_ expect him to be much help with building the damn thing. So Oswald didn't bother to try, opting instead for these little outings to scavenge for parts or tools.

The day's venture took him back down memory lane and an electronics shop he remembered just around the corner from the old apartment he and his mother once shared. Like most of Gotham, the place had seen better days and bore little resemblance to what he remembered. With large glass windows at street level, the place was an obvious target for vandals and thieves. The door at the shop's entry had been knocked from its hinges. Storefront glass lay shattered everywhere. Upturned shelves and broken things cluttered the floor. Oswald tread through it all, eyes searching through the contents and muttering to himself as he went.

Everything was already thoroughly picked through, and Oswald doubted he would find much of value in the leftover rubbish. He continued his search anyway. He shoved aside a nest of loose wires sitting on a shelf and found an old radio. Oswald turned it on to see if it was still functional. After a few seconds of fiddling with the knob and much static, a melodious sound finally emerged from it.

 _"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"_ the radio trilled cheerfully, _"Everywhere you go~"_

Oswald sat back against a counter and listened. He looked around the shop and scowled skeptically at the radio. Maybe if one ignored everything outside, the ransacked shelves might somewhat resemble the end of Black Friday sales. But it sure as hell didn't look like Christmas. Oswald snickered as the radio continued to play it's song anyway. 

_"Take a look at the five and ten, it's glistening once again. With candy canes and silver lanes that glow~"_

Christmas? Was it really that time of year? He supposed it was. In all the chaos over the months, Oswald had lost track of the passage of time. It wasn't surprising really. Corpses in the streets and ruins in place of the proud buildings that once stood tall against the skyline hardly set the right mood for a holly jolly Christmas. And yet...

The music was making Oswald feel oddly nostalgic. It harked back to simpler times, peaceful times. Warmth bloomed within Oswald as he let himself get lost in those memories. He wondered idly if Ed would notice or even care about the holiday. Oswald decided he cared. He would celebrate, even if it was just him and Edward. Not _that_ Edward. Edward the dog, who wouldn't really have a say in the matter and would probably be happy enough when Oswald shared his Christmas dinner with the beloved pet. The other one probably wouldn't want to join him anyway. But maybe it couldn't hurt to at least extend the invitation.

Oswald switched off the radio, picked it up, and tucked it under an arm. It was coming home with him. Some more Christmas music would be the perfect backdrop to get into the holiday spirit. Oswald took one last look around the shop before deciding to abandon his search for submarine supplies in favor of hunting for some special ingredients for the future meal. He actually felt kind of excited about it.

Oswald's next stop would be the local bakery across the street. Whatever he found within would likely determine his dessert menu (or if he even had one). Oswald was fortunate enough to already have a good supply of meat and canned vegetables in his stores of food, but he was seriously lacking in any holiday ingredients. He was also running low on sugar. 

Oswald entered the shop and headed back, into the kitchen. Like the electronics shop, the place was a mess. He stepped carefully over shattered plates and mugs, rounded fallen prep tables, and ducked under loose hanging light fixtures and wires (mess was an understatement) all the while looking for anything edible. 

He wasn't having any luck. Empty boxes and discarded wrappers seemed to be all that was left behind. He couldn't afford to stay much longer either. The time was swiftly approaching the hour Oswald promised to meet Ed at the library. Just as he was about to give up, Oswald spotted something promising in the back corner of a cupboard. He pulled the canister out into the light and peered at the label. Cocoa powder. Promising indeed, assuming any remained and that it was still dry. Oswald pulled off the lid to check and by some miracle it was in pristine condition. Completely unused in fact.

Oswald contemplated what to use the cocoa for. He scoured the kitchen looking for flour and other baking ingredients. He found the sugar and some condensed milk, but no flour. Any Christmas baking was clearly out. So why not stick with a winter classic? Hot chocolate. It was the perfect thing to feel cozy and festive during the cold Gotham nights. He couldn't share it with Edward. Chocolate is bad for dogs. But maybe Ed would like some. They could sip hot chocolate while sitting by the fire, music playing in the background, Edward at Oswald's feet. The dog that is. Ed would sit beside Oswald of course. He smiled at the image in his mind.

_Clash!_

The sudden sound jolted Oswald from his thoughts. He whipped around in alarm to figure out the cause. A big, burly man stood a few feet away having just entered the kitchen. He appeared to have tripped in the mess covering the floor and sent some nearby pans crashing down. At the sight of him, Oswald scrambled back, searching the area for something to defend himself with in case the man was a threat. A second clash and then he was armed with a broken glass bottle, ready to stab at the stranger. 

"Who are you and what do you want?" Oswald demanded.

The man scratched his head in confusion and stared dumbly back at Oswald.

Irritated, Oswald repeated the first part of his question very slowly and very loudly, "WHO ARE YOU?"

The man pointed at something on his chest. Oswald squinted to see a name tag pinned there. He could barely make out the worn away name across the short distance. 

"Your name is Dale?" Oswald asked.

The man looked down at the tag as if to make sure then back up at Oswald and nodded.

"Well, Dale," Oswald plastered on his friendliest smile, "How would you like to help me find some marshmallows?"

Dale shrugged.

"I'll take that as a yes."

...

Oswald could hear the not so distant chime of bells as he entered the library. At the moment, Ed's silly contraption was music to his ears. He'd come to associate the sound with the time he spent with Ed, hovering over the man as he worked. Oswald grinned and pushed through the double set of doors where he knew he would find him. He strolled forward nonchalantly even as Ed held a gun pointed at him, trusting the man to lower the weapon as soon as he recognized Oswald. 

"You were due hours ago." Edward complained, lowering the gun.

"Yes, I was. But I had to get us lunch." Oswald said, stepping forward. It wasn't entirely a lie, Oswald decided before further explaining "And I met Dale."

"I see that." Edward said irritably, "Do you see this? Our _secret_ plan to get us off this island?"

Oswald wasn't sure what exactly had Ed so worked up. It wasn't as though he'd announced their plan to the entire city. It was irritating the way Ed always questioned his judgment, but Oswald shrugged it off determined to continue the good humor he'd had all morning.

"Relax. Dale is completely trustworthy." Oswald replied evenly.

"How do you know we can trust him if you just met him?" Edward snapped.

"Cause he is mute and dumb as a post. Look I know you're paranoid about people watching us."

"Because someone IS watching us!" Edward exclaimed, "Why do think I installed this alarm system?"

Oswald scoffed, "And as _safe_ as I feel with your jingle bell contraption in place, I went out and procured us some muscle. You're welcome!"

Oswald no longer found the bells amusing. They still made him think of Ed, but they made him think of Ed in the way the man could so often grate on his nerves. Edward thought he was so clever, but jangling sounds were hardly going stop intruders with weapons. At least Oswald found some _real_ protection. But of course, Ed treated his every contribution like it was nothing. It was frustrating, but Ed was not going to spoil Oswald's day.

"At least you are doing something." Edward muttered under his breath.

Oswald ignored it, stepping towards a nearby worktable. He noticed the miniature model of the sub and picked it up to take a closer look. He looked forward to seeing the real thing.

"Ah! How is my S. S. Gertrud coming along?" Oswald asked Edward.

Edward snatched the model from Oswald's hands.

" _Our_ submarine is coming along just fine thank you. I've been working on the sonar. Which turns out is... far more complex than I anticipated."

Ed really was being a sourpuss. Oswald missed the easygoing nature Ed used to have when carrying out one of his schemes. Normally, he liked an intellectual challenge. He should be having fun with this. It wouldn't kill him to lighten up a little. 

"Well, I am confident you will figure it out." Oswald encouraged Edward offhandedly, tired of trying to appease him.

"Of course I will figure it out."

Oswald inspected his nails. 

"Because... I figure everything out!" Edward snapped, "The navigation system. The oxygen exchange. I will figure everything out Because I'm THE ONLY ONE WORKING! This was supposed to be a partnership!"

"IT IS!" Oswald shouted back, "I already did my part by stealing everything valuable in Gotham. All of which you get half."

Oswald knew he could've opted to not tell Ed about the treasure at all. The way he saw it, he'd done Ed a favor by joining forces with him. Ed hadn't done so well on his own after all (although that wasn't entirely his fault with a chip in his brain). But Oswald could've found his own way off this godforsaken island (although Ed's brilliant plan was so far the only out he'd come across). Well, Ed needed him too! Oswald definitely didn't feel guilty. Besides, Ed wouldn't be complaining once they got to the mainland and he had a small fortune on his hands. Oswald was convinced he didn't owe Ed anything more. Of course, Ed had his own argument.

"No!" Ed countered, "Your goons stole it. And then you killed 'em."

Oswald was just about to protest when the bells sounded once more.

"Are you expecting someone?"

"Who would I be expecting, Oswald? I told you someone's watching us." Edward groused as he grabbed his gun.

"Dale, go do what I pay you for." Oswald commanded.

The man stared dimwittedly at Oswald, still holding their lunch tray. Low intelligence didn't seem like such a selling point anymore. Oswald gestured to himself and Ed to get his point across.

"Pro. Tect. Usssss." Oswald exaggerated.

Dale finally got the message, carefully setting the tray down on a nearby table and withdrawing his own weapon. Everyone turned to face the entry. They held their collective breath waiting to see who would come through it. Oswald's eyes went wide.

"Wait!" He called as a man walked in.

Oswald couldn't believe his eyes. Mr. Penn stood in the doorway, alive and well. It was a Christmas miracle!

...

It had not, as it turned out, been a Christmas miracle. More like the nightmare before Christmas. Oswald really shouldn't be surprised at this point. It would probably make for a shorter list to compile all the names of people in Gotham who had not tried to kill him. Still, the meek Mr. Penn was the last person Oswald would have expected to attempt to murder him. Now both Penn and Dale lay dead on the floor, another couple of corpses to add to the streets later. Still stunned, Oswald began to rave but was quickly interrupted. 

"Oswald," Edward held up a hand, "I accept you for the person that you are. Just as you accept me for the cold logician that I am." 

Oswald stared up at Ed in awe as he made his speech.

"That's why this friendship is great. And as friends, I think we can both agree that that lunatic _had_ to be stopped." Ed pointed to Penn's body.

Oswald looked down. He nodded, chortling to himself. Then Oswald breathed in to compose himself, a smile spreading across his blood covered face, "Perhaps, Edward... we really are meant for each other."

They both burst into long, boisterous laughter. Neither could have put into words what exactly they found so humorous. The situation, the words, themselves? It was all of these in a way and something more too. It was a private joke that only they shared, only they understood. The pair would probably look like mad men if there were anyone else around to witness it. As the laughter subsided, Oswald shook his head in wonder as Ed caught his breath. They both let out a sigh. Whatever lingering tension that still remained between them before was gone at last. Oswald felt lighter than he had in years, and, judging by the expression on Edward's face, he felt the same. 

"Here." Edward said, extending a hand down to Oswald.

Oswald took it and Edward hauled him to his feet.

"Thank you, Ed."

"Don't mention it." Edward answered casually.

Oswald chuckled. He couldn't help the giddiness. He'd just survived another attempt on his life and now he and Ed were friends again. Just like that. Maybe it was a Christmas miracle after all.

"What's so funny?" Edward inquired.

"Nothing. It's just... it's nice to be friends again." Oswald explained.

"It is. Though I wouldn't have teamed up with you if I didn't already count you as a friend, Oswald."

"I didn't know for certain." Oswald mused, "Not until today. You saved me."

"You saved me first." Edward mumbled.

Oswald gave a soft smile at that. Ed returned one of his own. Oswald cleared his throat.

"Um, Ed?" He began nervously, "I don't know if you realized, but it's... would you like to join me for dinner on Christmas? Y'know... as a friend?"

"It's not like I have any other plans." Edward joked, "Dinner sounds great."

"And no need to pick up any wine." Oswald teased in return, hoping he wasn't going too far.

Edward chuckled at the joke and Oswald relaxed. His heart was warmed. He hummed happily.

"Not to worry. I don't think I could even find a bottle in this ruin of a city even if I tried." Edward assured, "I'll be there."

"Oh and one more thing..." Oswald said.

Edward looked to him curiously.

Oswald furrowed his brow and asked, "Any idea when precisely Christmas day is? I haven't exactly been keeping track of the calendar date."

"In three days."

"I knew I could count on you to know that."

"You can always count on me." Edward muttered.

Oswald was momentarily at a loss for words. The memories that one phrase dredged up were almost enough to overwhelm him entirely. Oswald quickly reigned in his emotions. Though he still felt deeply touched by the notion, experience had taught him not to wear his heart on his sleeve. Even with Ed. Especially with Ed. So instead of spewing heartfelt promises, Oswald merely smiled and gave a gracious nod of thanks in Edward's direction.

"Well, I better get back to work." Edward finally said, breaking the silence.

"Ah-ah!" Oswald reprimanded, wagging a finger at him, " _We_ will get back to work on the sub _after_ lunch. Together."

"Together." Edward agreed grinning.

...

The next day, Oswald brought the radio with him so they could listen to music as they worked. It felt almost magical how smoothly they cooperated to get things done. Edward still took on the brunt of the tinkering, but Oswald was there to assist, even voicing a few ideas of his own when Ed came across any bumps in the road.

As they fell into the rhythm of their work, Ed sang along with the radio. In response to Oswald's earlier insult describing his alarm system, he even belted out the lyrics to "Jingle Bells" when it came on. Hearing it was the highlight of Oswald's year thus far. Edward was quite the ham about it too, dipping a bow at the end of the song with Oswald snickering at his antics.

All was well until the next song began to play.

_"Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away~"_

Oswald reddened. The lyrics called forth the memory of his past failed confession. He shouldn't still feel so bothered by it. It seemed so long ago now. Besides, it had nothing to do with Christmas. But Oswald never really had moved on (despite anything he ever said to the contrary). He would likely always harbor special feelings for Ed and feel some connection with him. The music only made that more painfully clear. Oswald switched off the radio.

"Maybe music wasn't such a good idea." Oswald muttered. 

"Why? I thought we were enjoying it." Edward presumed, unaware of the effect the lyrics had on his friend.

Oswald sighed, "I just don't like to be reminded." 

Understanding finally dawned on Edward. He looked a little uncomfortable at the implications. Surely, there were a lot of things in the past Ed wouldn't want to think about as well. Oswald regretted saying anything.

Ed made a clumsy attempt to gloss over it and commented, "Well... if it makes you feel any better, it wasn't Christmas at the time."

"It doesn't." Oswald grumbled.

"Cheer up, Oswald. Or I might start up another round of 'Jingle Bells.'"

"Oh god no!" Oswald smirked, allowing Ed to draw him back into a lighter mood.

His false, over exaggerated protest had zero effect on Ed who immediately began to sing.

 _"Dashing through the snow in an ill-conceived foray. We have gotta go, together and away~"_

Oswald snorted at that.

_"Troops the army bring make Gotham wanna fight. What fun it is to hide and flee, escaping here tonight~"_

"I think you can do better than that, Ed."

_"Oh! Jingle bells, Jimbo smells. Harvey ran away~"_

That one caused them both to bust a gut. Edward finished his rendition of the Christmas classic and Oswald begged him to never sing it again. Edward agreed, but only if Oswald would join him in singing a different carol. They sang together for the rest of the afternoon.

...

Christmas day came looking much like every other day since the bridges blew. If there were any other celebrations going on in the city, they were hidden away, low key affairs. Oswald's own plans were not for until later in the evening. The morning was spent in Edward's company, continuing progress on the submarine. In the afternoon, Oswald excused himself early to go make the preparations for Christmas dinner. Edward offered to help, but Oswald insisted he get to play his part as host alone. The truth of the matter was, Oswald wanted the chance to do something nice for Ed and prove to him the importance of their partnership. So Oswald left on his own with a last reminder to Ed to meet him in two hours. 

Oswald could have had Olga prepare the meal, had it ready when he arrived at city hall, but that would have undermined his own intention to do something for Ed. His friend hadn't considered it doing his part when Oswald acquired their treasure. It didn't count because it was his lackeys who did the actual stealing. Knowing this, Oswald decided the dinner would be more meaningful if it was prepared by his own hands.

Contrary to popular belief, Oswald knew how to cook his own food. He'd been part of the restaurant business back when he was infiltrating Maroni's operation for heaven's sake. True he hadn't done such for quite some time. But surely it was like riding a bicycle; you never forget. Oswald was confident he could handle a dinner for two on his own.

It wasn't a gourmet meal he had at the end of his efforts, but Oswald managed to turn the meager rations left in his food stores into something closely resembling a home cooked Christmas dinner. Growing up barely scraping by with his mother had taught him how to make do with limited resources and Oswald took pride in the accomplishment. He glanced at the time. Ed should be arriving any moment. Oswald moved the food to the table. He set out nice china and silverware, placed cloth napkins, and lit a couple of candles. It looked reminiscent of another dinner he'd invited Ed to once upon a time. Oswald snuffed out the candles and removed them from sight. This was not a romantic candlelit dinner. This was shared company on Christmas with a friend. Nothing more. Oswald turned on the radio to set the right sort of cheery atmosphere and took his seat.

_"I'll be home for Christmas. You can plan on me~"_ the radio crooned softly in the background. 

Oswald fiddled with his napkin. His dog wandered in sniffing the air. He must have smelled the food and now stood at Oswald's feet licking his chops and staring up with big eyes. Oswald chuckled and pat his head.

"Not until our guest arrives." He told the canine beggar.

Oswald listened for the sound of footsteps down the hall, but all that was there was the sound of the music continuing to play.

_"Christmas eve will find me, where the love light gleams~"_

The dog whimpered and laid his head in Oswald's lap.

_"I'll be home for Christmas. If only in my dreams~"_

"Ed should have been here by now. Maybe he changed his mind." Oswald whispered forlornly to Edward, petting him some more, "I'll just wait a little longer. But that's no reason to keep you waiting, hmm?" 

Oswald set down a dog dish for Edward. The dog lunged for it immediately. Sloppy snuffling sounds ensued as he gobbled up the feast enthusiastically, not a care in the world. Oswald envied him. He slumped in his chair.

_"I'll be home for Christmas. You can plan on me~"_

_Tap, tap, tap._

Footsteps. Someone was walking down the hall. Oswald perked up immediately. He rose from his seat the moment his eyes fell on green.

"Sorry, I'm late." Edward said sheepishly.

"You came." Oswald marveled.

"I said I would." Edward stated as though his presence was somehow unquestionable. 

"You did." Oswald affirmed, "You didn't run into any trouble on your way here, I hope?"

"No. Had a quick stop to make on the way. I, um, brought something for... Edward." Ed hesitated before revealing the wrapped parcel.

"You got Edward a gift?"

"I know how important he is to you." Ed muttered.

"Yes." Oswald smiled, "Well, come and sit. The food's still warm."

Ed took his place, close to Oswald. Oswald sat back down and gestured for his guest to help himself. Edward piled food onto his plate and Oswald followed suit. They ate, enjoying both food and conversation. They spent hours at the table, talking about many things. About anything really. They discussed the submarine, reminisced about past Christmases, speculated on what everyone else they knew might be doing, shared jokes and even a few riddles. They talked of future plans. Oddly, but not mentioned, all their plans were made together. What they might do once they got off the island. Once too full to eat another bite, they moved to sit by the fireplace, mugs of hot chocolate in hand, dog at their feet. And they talked some more. As the night grew late, Edward layed back and closed his eyes. Oswald leaned in the opposite direction, head heavy with drowsiness. But before they drifted off to sleep, Ed had one last thing to say.

"Merry Christmas, Oswald."


End file.
